Bi-Yearly HIV Appointment - Abnormal cells, medication change & more!

I had my bi-yearly appointment with my HIV doctor yesterday. My appointment was in person, not a telephone appointment. At first I was annoyed by this, I didn't want to drive all the way downtown. However, getting to see my doctor and nurse was great. They are both so kind, friendly and energetic. It was also good to get out and have a regular appointment which provided some normalcy during these uncertain times.

My viral load is still undetectable woot woot! We are going to switch my medication from Triumeq to Dovato. Apparently,studies show that three medications in one aren't needed for people who's HIV has been stable. I'm down for that! It's still only one pill but the less medication I need to take feels like a good thing since, I take quite a few for different issues. 

Unfortunately my liver enzymes are still high. Three years ago my family doctor sent me for an ultrasound, I was told I have the beginnings of non-alcoholic fatty liver disease. Well, three years later my enzymes are still high so I have to go for another ultrasound. Thankfully I don't have to wait too long, my appointment is on August 24th. I've been trying to eat healthy, the struggle is real.

I LOVE fast food. My Mom barely cooked when I was a kid, so we ordered out a lot. Our fridge and pantry were always full, my Mom bought healthy things but when we had pizza pops and wagon wheels in full stock all the time and she was at work all the time, choosing healthy was rarely a thing. My poor brain has been loving fast food since I was a kid. When I'm happy I want fast food. When I'm sad, I want fast food. When I'm angry, I want fast food. 

I've tried over the years, many, many, many times to stop eating fast food. My doctor was like you need to eat healthy, exercise and lose weight. I said "I'm trying." I've been going for long walks. I've been increasing my fruits and veggies but sometimes the cravings for fast food are so intense. Lately I've been working on self-compassion and working on my anxiety. I keep reminding myself every time I try to quit fast food cold turkey, I always crash. So I am trying to make small changes and increase them over time. I rarely drink alcohol anymore. Last year I decided to limit drinking alcohol to help my physical and mental health. I realized even if I just have a couple of drinks, my mental health would be impacted negatively because of it. 

I also have to go see a gastroenterologist because my anal pap smears keep showing abnormal cells (atypical squamous cells of undetermined significance - ascus). A few years ago I had to have some of the cells removed for a biopsy (side note: the doctor accidentally shocked my asshole and then I awkwardly had to figure out how to put a maxi pad on - (I'm a guy) - with no help from the medical staff, I realized it attached to the underwear haha). Thankfully the biopsy didn't come back as cancerous. Fingers crossed that will be the result again.

I also have to go for tests for blood sugar and cholesterol because I haven't had those done in quite awhile.

It was quite a jam packed appointment, usually I go in and it's:

💊 Any issues taking your medications? / How many doses have you missed?

💊 Your viral load is undetectable

💊 Your shots are all up to date

💊 Here is your prescription, see you in 6 months

I am thankful that I have an awesome doctor and an awesome nurse. I am thankful that anytime I've needed a shot, the cost is covered by our healthcare. I am thankful when I've needed a procedure, I didn't have to worry about going into health care debt, that our taxes go to our healthcare. I am thankful that I can discuss my HIV and my other health issues and needs with my family and friends.

WHAT! Another diagnosis?!

I stayed in bed most of the day. I feel like garbage. I finally got out of bed around 6 pm, that was to answer the door to obtain my McDonalds I ordered. I ate too much because I'm depressed. I'm trying not to beat myself up. It's hard. I'm really angry with life always feeling so difficult. Angry I have so much wrong with me.

Recently I was diagnosed with FND - Functional Neurological Disorder. For about a year and half I think (if I think back, my migraine stroke symptoms in 2012 could be a part of this), I have been having involuntary muscle movements.

At first my family doctor thought I was having seizures and told me he was going to have my drivers licence revoked. I cried in my car. Thoughts of how much more difficult my life was going to be because I wouldn't have the freedom of driving - the transit system here isn't great. Thankfully, he consulted with a  neurologist first and called me and told me the neurologist didn't believe I was having seizures and didn't recommend revoking my drivers licence. He said he was going to refer me to the movement disorder clinic, it could take a year or so to get in. Wait. Waiting is all I could do.

My symptoms were getting worse. They were happening almost everyday. Somedays worse than others. My eyes will clamp shut. My jaw will contract to the left or right. I will twitch throughout my body. I will lose my balance as I walk. A few times I had full body episodes. Twice, I had seizure like episodes but I was fully aware of it, I didn't lose control of my bodily functions. I couldn't stop them. After they finished I felt really out of it. Couldn't think straight and felt really tired. A couple times I got up off my couch and as I went to walk my muscles starting contracting. My body was being ridiculous - I felt like a marionette, my limbs moving around, out of my control.

I made an appointment with my family doctor to let him know my symptoms were progressing. He called the neurologists office and within a couple of days I got a call, they had a cancellation and  they could get me in a few days later. That was fortunate, we all know seeing a neurologist can be a long wait. This was my 1st appointment with the neurologist. He did a bunch of movement tests and said he felt what was happening was psychological. He prescribed me clonazepam and told me to take .5 mg a day, if after 3 months my symptoms seemed to have somewhat improved, to take the medication twice a day. I ended up going to twice a day and my symptoms improved quite a bit.

A week ago I had a follow up appointment with the neurologist. He was happy to hear that my symptoms were improving. He said since the medication was working that showed him that it was on the psychological side. He stressed that doesn't mean I am making the symptoms happen, it means they aren't caused by a neurological disease but the symptoms are real. He told me to check out the website fndhope.org and that if my symptoms do get worse, to call his office to see him again.

My symptoms have been shitty this weekend - but I'm not surprised. I had a stressful week at work and realized how much I hate my job. The workload is insane, my manager is toxic and I left a toxic job believing this one would be better. On top of the stressful week at work, I get diagnosed with yet another illness.

I have HIV, Asthma, IBS, Anxiety, Bipolar, Borderline Personality Disorder, and now Functional Neurological Disorder. Oh, I also have a Hiatal Hernia, Tinnitus and sometimes Gout - might as well list them all right? Haha.

Today, I stayed in bed most of the day, ate a lot of McDonalds and then put my ass on the couch and watched t.v. And you know what, I needed today to be a depressing day. I needed today to be a woe is me day. It's been a rough week and it shouldn't be unexpected that I feel overwhelmed and sad.