Sunday, January 20, 2013

I had a date

I had a date last weekend. I was extremely nervous. I haven't been on a date in a long time. A couple of years actually. The last time I was on a date was a few months after I was diagnosed with HIV. I joined a dating website for people living with HIV. We hung out a few times but it didn't go anywhere, mainly because he was a jackass haha. He would always make plans and cancel them. I finally had enough and told him so.

This guy isn't HIV positive, that I am aware of. We started chatting on a regular dating website. We met  for coffee. I think going for coffee for a first date is a good idea. It's nice and casual, no pressure. The date went well, we were there for two hours and had good conversation. I didn't really find him attractive, not my type. I decided it's only the first date and I'm really nervous so I won't make any snap judgements.

One of the things I worried about is, having to disclose that I am HIV positive. If we hit it off and go on more dates at what point do I tell him? Do I wait until we've gone a few dates. Who knows what the answer is.

We went on a second date, we went for dinner. Conversation was a lot more awkward this time. A few silent moments. We were struggling to find things to talk about. Again I found myself not attracted to him. Not even a tingle in my bits going on. I realized I was trying to force myself to be attracted to him. I don't have much dating experience and have had a lot of issues in the past. I really wanted this to work out. I had to take a step back and realize, I'm only thirty. I don't have to settle, I have lot's of time to meet the right guy. This is a huge change for me. If this was before going through the group therapy program, I would have kept going out on dates even though I didn't want to.

At least I didn't have to disclose about the HIV, phew! But I will have to cross that bridge eventually. Hopefully I will figure out how to do it, when the time comes.

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